dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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