no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
