I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
