well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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