i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
