Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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