think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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