My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
