you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We had sex on a dog bed..
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
