i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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