why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
