During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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