The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
