In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
