i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
