It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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