K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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