my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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