Don't you send me to vm
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
