as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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