Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
