I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
