I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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