we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
