Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
