He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
