We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
