Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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