the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
