so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
