I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
