craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I love having hate sex.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
