am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
