dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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