I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
