Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
