Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
