My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
