Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
