I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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