Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
