someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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