you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
