i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
