i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
