We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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