OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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