Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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