Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
