In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
