I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
