Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
