Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
