Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My pussy is not your playground.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
