soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
