I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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