i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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