____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
