Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
